Jose Duran, why did you leave me stuck at home with nobody to talk to? With nobody to laugh with? With nobody to post it with? With nobody to make my frown upside down? With no one to fight with? With nobody to kick it with the homies on 28th or 25th or 22nd? With no one to buy chips or a monster for at corner liquor store? With no one to share my pain and anger? With no one to give me there shoulder to cry on? With no one to take me to any destination I please? To motivate me to do better? With no one to annoy me at my room? With no one to feel like I need to prove them freaking haters wrong? With no one to give me a speech to just do me? With no one to give me advice? With no one to tell me to put them foos in check? With no one to dance your favorite songs? With no one to show me there new art or tagging pieces? With no one to back up when their in problems? With no one to hug when I feel regret after being mean or rude? With no one to give attitude? With no one to argue or prove wrong? With no one to give this empty slot full of love in my heart to?
When you told me you were going to Arizona, I didn't believe you. I thought it was just another one of your jokes or lies, (at the back of my mind I was kind of wishing it was).
When you packed your bags and got in the car my heart shattered into millions and billions of irreparable pieces. I wanted to just hop into your suitcase so you can take me with you but I knew that, that was impossible. You have no idea how much I'm missing you. I always run down to your room believing your still there but when I see that empty room I feel like an idiot. Because I keep tricking myself. The house isn't the same without my sunshine crackin jokes and hugging me. I've cried so many times I can't even count the number of times. Before you left you saw me cry and gave me a great big bear hug and wiped my tears away. I stared at that car driving away not thinking about how my big brother was out on his own and growing up. When I got into my room, I then reacted. Is this how it's going to feel after you leave permanently? Am I going to feel this empty? Are you going to visit? Or just completely erase me off your mind because you need to focus on your career? Females? Parties? I don't know if your feeling as sad as me but I just can't take it. I cry each night, grasping hold of every word and phrase you've said. I paint a picture in my mind of all your sad,mad,happy, depressing,panicky any feeling you have showed. I clutch hold with all my strength that pure silver coin you left for me and your black hoodie. I hope your having a blast in Arizona and that everyone loves and respects you there because you deserve that. I hope that I'll be able to bottle up all my emotions until you get back home. You don't know how much I need to talk to you! I love you although you probably won't read this I hope that you juss know that I can't live without you and I would take a bullet for you anyday and I'll chunk it with any female who doesn't treat you like prince charming. Anyways I'll be waiting for you at home with open arms and some presents! I wish you the best and hope nothing bad goes down in Arizona (you know what I mean by that though)
With Love and sadness, Your sister Karen Chavez. </3
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